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Hmnp... Today my thinking skill lecture Mr. Adrian taught us on environment in higher education.

He asked, who is still struggling to learn at college..?

I feel like raising my hand high high. But i did not. My struggles are not about studies. Is socialize with college friends, the living style and those surrounding I am not familiar with. After staying here for the fourth month, I still couldn't adapt this new environment. I felt homesick although the journey back to my home town is 1hour only.

Then, he asked us to ask a question to our parents.

He said,

''Pa.. Ma.. Yah.. Ummi.. where do you get money for me to further my studies?''

'' Do you face any financial difficulties to let me further my studies..?''

I was actually smilling.

In my mind, I was thinking that I do not have a chance to ask this question. Early of the year, before SPM result was release, my mom already told me,

'' If you do not get any scholarship, I will not be able to send you to college. You gotta do Form6.''

At that time, I was really disappointed. I cried and cried at any time and anywhere. I wonder how many times I had cried for this matter. All I want is to study at a better college. I promise I will do well. But financial is the major problem. Because of this problem, I could not realise my dream. I got to go form 6 and do something that I am not interested. Well, I got a good result. If not I will not be studying at Taylor now. Now, I got scholarship + PTPTN. Scholarship for tuition waiver while PTPTN is for living cost. I don't dare to ask more money from my mom. Because I felt guilty.For now, I am able to study at Taylor. What do I need some more..? So, I don't demand.

Let me tell u guys..

Every month,

RM300-room rent. (I can't afford more expensive room)

RM60.00 - electricity bill for a month. :(

RM20.00- for travelling

RM 30.00-for lunch.

If there is extra, I can use it to 'yam cha' with my ji mui during weekend. ^.^

That means, every month I use RM550.00.

Now, let me ask you.. Is RM8000 enough to support my living cost for 1 year..?

The answer is NO. So.. where do I get money.

Don't ask me. Coz I am also not sure what will happen to me when I am out of money. :'(

How do I get to save that much..?

I cook my own dinner every nite. Mom will prepare me with some vegetables and meat. I don't go out to eat at night. From here, I kinda save a bit.

Then every beginning of semester I will shop for different type of biscuits as well as some snacks to survive la. Then I don't waste money buying snacks outside.

See, to study at a 'branded college' I need to think of money from A to Z.

I think this is how I got my pimples on my forehead. >.<

When someone know that I am studying at Taylor, they will start to blah blah blah all words which I don't like to hear. For example..

'' Waa.. Study at Taylor ar.. So rich''.

After hearing this, I automatic will give them one kind of look. I seriously hate it. Yes.. I have no money. Does it mean I cannot study at Taylor..?

I still remember I am very sensitive to this topic. Whenever my boyfriend brought up this topic to discuss, my eyes eventually turn watery and tears roll down to my cheeks. It goes the same. During my World Class Scholarship interview, they talk about family and about money. I was trying to hold my tears. But in the end, I poured out. I really couldn't resist any more. The scholarship means a lot to me. I thought I ruined the interview. Maybe is my family background and academic result, hence I am eligible for this scholarship.

Although I faced difficulties, I did not regret choosing this pathway. I can go Utar, Stamford or STPM which does not need so high living cost, but I always think Taylor will bring me to another stage of life that I want!

Today, when Mr.Adrian discuss about this topic, I did not cry any more. I am glad I had let go this issue.

拿得起 放得下。

我放下了。

Money matters made me grown up.

I am not like any other, Mr.Adrian.

I thought value of money more than anyone in my class. :)