Parasite

What do you do when you have toxic family members..?

What can you do when you have toxic family members..?

Do you run away from them or do you keep them with you..?

Do you keep a safe distance so that they could never poison you and peep on them once in awhile..?

Is there any right choice or any choice would be bad because they are your family members..?

I am still now finding for an answer.

cha ching

Hello… recently I just found out that a few people around me not doing so well.

Am I really living in my fantasy dreamy land..?

Is it the reality I am facing is not so realistic..?

They: are few people who struggle because of $.

Some people, spend more than they earn. Mostly because of this reason, they face a lot of difficulties.

Some people, not even have enough to spend for necessity. They are working very hard to achieve peaceful days.

Is it not applicable to spend wisely and earn accordingly..?

What I mean is, don’t be greedy. Those luxury, wants and branded unnecessary stuff are not that important actually. Just earn, enough for continuous saving and make a living.

We doesn’t need to live like those high class people do we..?

Sometimes, the lesser material you possess, you got nothing much to lose.

I’ve tried both living condition.

A- Having plenty money and spend like a boss getting, eating, enjoying entertainment

B- Having a few penny in my purse and only can have this few choices of food, no or less buying and all time free entertainment.

Seriously, I feel stressed up when I live in A. I feel wasted. All those money spend on A can actually do a lot other things. Such as making fake tooth for daddy, buy new sofa set, give my parents for them to buy good food. I want to be filial. I don’t mine using little on myself and give. For me, money is just a digit. A barter system. Money is used to trade with something I want myself or for others. Other than that, it got no other usage.

C- A bunch of friends that encourage me to use money like water and are actually using money earned by their parents. Their spending power are same or even higher than those working personnel.

D-  A bunch of friends that truly understand friendship and spend minimum amount. They are all independent and are mature to know what they are using, having and spending now are all prepared by their parents. Their authority is still limited. With wise thinking in spending their time in appropriate activities and gaining the priority in life such as education and basic necessity by themselves without burdening their parents.

So, I do mix around. Whenever I am at both situation, I am happy. Because I got to hang out with friends. Is just that the happiness from C is more expensive. And I’m more comfortable to hang out with D.

Can money represent love..? I’ve encountered uncles giving cheque during Chinese New Year. Does that mean giving me RM2 aunties doesn’t love as much as giving a cheque uncle..?

Can money represent wisdom..?

Can money represent filial..?

Can money represent time..?

Can money….

Money indeed can do a lot of thing and ease our days. But how many are actually being eased by it..?

Money is a very clever calculations. It needs your sacrifice before you can get it and once you get it, it will run away very quickly from you. The time you spend is always longer than the time money stay with you. Cruel right. So, be smart in making the decision weather is the amount of money worth your amount of sacrifice while earning them.

I am very simple, I plan to live my live free from money burden. If I’ve got this much, I only spend this much. I earn according to what I want. The more I want, the more hardworking I am. Most of the time, I choose not to trade my time in exchange with money. Later, I do not desire for anything that need lots of money to achieve with (other than property la. Coz it can help me money grow money without me working ma). I believe in simplicity and peace. Because most of the thing I want, just need very very very little amount of money to achieve.

I want 3 meals and 1 teatime a day

I want normal 8 hours working hour, 8 hours of sleep, and 8 hours of fun time

I want spend time with family and friends

I want a safe and clean house to stay

I want my parents to live peacefully

I want travel to another country yearly

I want my vicinity furnished with basic necessity

I want to have the best in living which aren’t luxury

I just want a peaceful life without $$$ struggle  

Read if you want to c.r.y.

Do you remember that we’re in love like any other couple..?

If there is a chance, I wish to hold hands stroll by the beach overlooking the sunset with you,

If there is a chance, I wish to go picnic with you,

If there is a chance, I wish to read a book while enjoying hot choco in a quiet corner of a coffee shop with you,

If there is a chance, I wish to go on a short inbound vacation with you,

If there is a chance, I wish to dine in a fine dining restaurant with you,

If there is a chance, I wish to watch a movie in a cinema without past memories with you,

If there is a chance, I wish to go jogging around the neighborhood with you,

If there is a chance, I wish to bake a cake with you,

If there is a chance, I wish to window shopping in a mall with you,

If there is a chance, I wish to play a game of Dota with you,

If there is a chance, I wish to iron your formal clothes,

If there is a chance, I wish to help you memorize your notes,

If there is a chance, I wish to pack bento for you,

If there is a chance, I wish to surprise you with little gift,

If there is a chance, I wish to cook for you,

If there is a chance, I wish to cut some fruits for you,

If there is a chance, I wish to hear goodnight stories from you,

If there is a chance, I wish for kiss goodnight from you,
If there is a chance, I wish you'll be dedicated for me,
If there is a chance, I wish you'll be gentle to me,

If there is a chance, I wish to forget hurtful words from you,

If there is a chance, I wish to be gentle all time for you,

If there is a chance, I wish to listen to the inner you,

If there is a chance, I wish to be honest with you,

If there is a chance, I wish to be happy all the time with you,

If there is a chance, I wish to tell you how special you are,

If there is a chance, I wish to show you, how much I love you,

If there is a chance. . .

Sometimes, the pain from the scars appears. It had been 2 years yet I've never mentioned anything. Because I thought I am living in a blissful world. However, reality and fantasy is just border of a thin piece of line. I who am living in fantasy all the time had been awaken by your realistic+ logical+ rational words. Yeah.. The phrases you told me are very very true. In this world, a person can keep on living even without one another. I agreed human can do it for the sake of survival. When you told me this phrase, that you are able to do it, what shall I percept..? What would the message that you would want to send..? Did I get you wrong that one fine day, without me, you’ll be alright .? I believe you can do so. And I believe I can do it too.

Betrayal… In the dramas I watched, betrayal in a relationship is when they are on a same bed with different partner while having one consistent one. Now that I notice, betrayal not only happens physically but also mentally. One day, I wish you’ll understand. Jealousy..? Freaking jealous larh. Okayyy…

Soul mate is there when friends is absent. Agree or no..?

Is money a factor in relationship..? hell yesssss…. Everywhere we go, whatever we do, there will be involvement of money. Shall we stop then..? Should we give up…? Is it really difficult not to use a penny to improve a relationship..?

Does pouring me a cup of water need money?

Does pulling blanket for me need money?

Does carrying heavy stuff for me need money?

Does helping me download dramas need money?

Does watching a streamed movie at home need money?

Does entertaining me need money?

Does making me smile once day need money?

Does keeping your promise with me need money?

Does everything you do to me need money?

Does spending time with me need money..? oh.. sorry that I interrupted your time. I understand that time is golden for you. And your precious time is meant for you only. If I were to use it, it’s like a death note. 

Am I that materialistic that if you don’t spend a penny I’ll never happy?

Is what I am asking for very irrational..?

Spending time with me during special occasion thou we are not having big feast but just some special moments together need money?

I and you understand what kind of situation we are facing currently. I, who are much more financial unstable able to keep on going n be easy about it, did not hope much from you. Is just little things. Little things can make a difference.

Faking a smile, wearing a mask is what you thought me when I don’t know anything about it. It’s hard for starting. When I get used to it, like how u get use to me getting on my nerves when you’re ignorant, it’ll be a piece of cake.

Remember that I am a girl. I’ll get sad, get PMS, get jealous, get shy, get crazy, get suspicious, get neglected. I believe in you, I can get through all these. I did my very very best that I could. Each time, I am barely hanging there hoping you would come and save me. And the hope is keep decreasing in time. How long more can I hold on to..? Each time my limit being tested, I can only pray. Make myself be busy doing other things. Keep thinking about other things to avoid it. And finally when the nights hit, my pillow case got wet and I know I'm not alright at all. Crying whole night, getting migraine the next day, pretending everything is alright. Not because I want to avoid. Is it is the same problem occurring each time. We had talk about it. No changes. I can’t and won’t blame you. I can only cry by myself and keep my feeling to myself. Just how much effort are you willing to put in for me to feel loved..?

nevertheless, after all these hassle, I told myself, there is nothing I can expect from you. are you that reliable that I can fully rely on you..? think about how good you are before pointing finger on me. Coz u'll never understand how much i tried. neither i understand how much u did to protect our relationship. I'll let you be whoever you want. it's too painstaking. whenever I cry, does it necessary to tears for someone who does not even put me at priority. let it be let it be is the only thing i tell myself~

They say, women is the reflection of their men
to be positive, I am this strong in front of everyone is because i received much support and love from you.
to be negative, I am this strong in front of everyone is because of those hardship you gave me that trained me so well from being more than a girlfriend. 

and you may ask, y ain't i giving up..?
All i remember is there was once, a boy whom i like very much, asked me to be by his side~